Killer Communication

My earliest memory of an orca “killer” whale was seeing the beautiful, sleek, black and white animal dive, spin, and splash at Sea World in Orlando, Florida. Its name was Shamu. As a little girl, I was in awe of Shamu’s enormous size, intelligence, and playful personality. Somehow, this incredible creature knew what its trainers were communicating and asking it to do. With great precision and style, Shamu carried out the directives, to the delight of my young eyes.

I have since learned that killer whales have a highly sophisticated ability to produce sounds for communicating with each other and for navigating the ocean, even in the darkest, murkiest waters. It’s a good thing sound travels in water at a speed 4.5 times as fast as through the air.

So why am I writing about orcas?

I recently heard someone teach about ORCA communication for humans. Apparently, we can learn a few things from killer whales. 

The instructor talked about how there are two approaches we can take when it comes to interacting with the people around us.  We can stay on the left side, which means we have to always be right, and ultimately, we have to win.

Or…we can go to the right side, which is the ORCA way.  The acronym stands for the following:

O - open

R - respectful

C - curious

A - accountable

Instead of immediately responding to what someone says, we can take time to hear them out completely. Be open and patient. After listening, we can choose to respond with a tone of voice that’s calm, not aggressive and judgmental. We can ask clarifying questions to make sure we understand where the person is coming from and what they really mean by what they’ve said. That’s where curiosity comes in.  And, finally, we can take responsibility for our own reactions and words. If we mess up, admit it and start fresh.

The teacher gave an example of how the ORCA approach played out in his own life. His young daughter told her older sister that she hoped her sister would have a terrible day at school. Instead of immediately scolding his daughter for what she said, he asked her to help him understand what she meant by her words. The younger daughter proceeded to tell him that she thought that if her sister had a bad day at school, then the next day she would decide to stay home and play with her instead of going to school.

Wow. Disaster averted. A little understanding goes a long way.

I know what you’re thinking. This is easier said than done, especially when it comes to the people we’re closest to. But I’m willing to work on it. Are you? If enough people are willing, we might just be able to start communicating with “killer” precision and style and help each other navigate the murky waters of life.